by Susan Zimmerman, ChFC, CLU, LMFT
Therapeutic questioning techniques can have a positive impact when advising financial clients. One of the questions a therapist may ask a client to garner insight and involvement in a problem’s solution starts with the sentence stem “Could it be?” The therapist has been listening to the client’s challenges and has formulated some theories about what has contributed to the problem, and what part the client may have played in keeping the problem alive, perhaps even worsening. To test the theory and help the client move forward, the therapist would plug the theory into the sentence stem, posing it as a pondered “thinking out loud question.”
Let’s look at a simple example faced by many parents. They give their child, Pat, an allowance but Pat has spent it all by mid-week. Pat comes to the parent and asks, pleads, whines, or demands more money or an advance on next week’s allowance. The parent in this example does a little preaching but then gives Pat more money. This happens weekly and a similar version of the same pattern occurs. The parents are frustrated at the poor results of their kindness and generous sermons.
A therapist might say with a nurturing and understanding smile, “Hmmm. Kids sure know how to push our buttons, don’t they? Could it be that it is more difficult for you to say ‘No’ than it would be for Pat to learn the consequences of running out of money?” A series of related questions to this theory could then be asked if the client answers in the affirmative. “How has Pat reacted to other situations when you’ve said ‘No’ – and how did you feel about it? How difficult is it for you to feel you have displeased your child?”
A common therapeutic theme presenting for family therapy is overindulgence of children. Often the real issue is a parent who doesn’t want to displease the child. The result is a spoiled child with a hefty sense of entitlement, and a deeply discouraged parent. Both are locked into a pattern and don’t know how to alter it for the better.
What is an example of a common therapeutic theme in financial advisory work? Could it be that both the client and the advisor could benefit by incorporating some psychological questioning techniques in interviews with clients? Could it be that even though we aren’t therapists, our practice would benefit by using a little more therapeutic conversation with clients? Could it be that would actually save time and result in more productive client meetings?
Therapeutic means having curative powers. We have seen many recurring themes in client behavior over the years that have certainly made us wish for curative powers! Spending too much, hoarding too much, saving too little, procrastination, frequent and impulsive investment allocation changes to name a few. These common behaviors are what drove my research for my book The Power in Your Money Personality. It also drove my persistence in finding more ways to confront clients in a positive way with their own problematic financial habits.
Using some of the common themes of poor financial habits, here are some examples of ways to ask the question so that it avoids a defensive response:
- It isn’t easy saving money with all the demands you have in your family. Could it be that the spending messages sometimes get their way with you more often than you would like?
- You really have a lot on your plate, Cheryl. It is hard for everyone these days to keep up with their “To Do” lists. Could it be that by putting your investments on “auto pilot” a bit more would help some of the procrastination that seems to happen in your financial plan?
- Boy, Jeremy, the headlines can really rattle a person, can’t they? Could it be that we should meet a little more often, so you aren’t tempted to move your investments around overly often or for the wrong reasons? Let’s meet again next quarter.
Therapeutic questioning techniques may not have absolute curative powers for every bad financial habit we witness, but we have seen them bring new insights to clients in a non-defensive way. Often advisors end up feeling a little like the frustrated parent of a spoiled child. Could it be that both client and advisor would fare better if we found a way to talk more openly about those bad habits? When asked in a warm and client-tailored way, you will see that the clients’ answers to therapeutic questions can be a powerful catalyst for acting on your recommendations. Could it be that’s a win/win?