Mindful Advising

The Heart of Your Money Life: Keep it Ticking for good!

Take heart! That's an important message for all of us. February is American Heart Month. What a great month to revisit the meaning of the phrase, "Take heart." It means "Find Courage."

I love speaking about how to engage your money personality for mental wealth and prosperity. When you uncover your core drivers, you can steer them to achieve lasting healthy habits with finances and other important decisions. It gets your choices naturally aligned with the heart of your values. And when aligned, your results come more easily and are lasting (instead of fleeting). In other words, "keep it ticking for good."   

I'll always remember a poster that hung above my desk when I was in my twenties. Maybe it was the big, lazy, relaxing gorilla that made it stick in my head. But I think it was the sheer truth of the poster's posed question that really did it. It read:

"Just when I knew all the answers, they changed all the questions!"

Leave it to a 20-something to even think for a moment they "knew all the answers." But beyond that, the truth seemed like it would be true forever. And thus far, it has been.

I'd modify the gorilla's wisdom a bit today. "Just when I knew a few answers, they changed all the questions!" The point is, we can never stop adapting to change.

This is true in your money life and in your deep money mindsets that direct important decisions for your life. At the heart of your money personality is the meanings you've assigned to money and its relationship to you.

As you continue maturing, take a peek inside your historic style drivers. Be a little bit brave and a lot honest. Do you have past memories or experiences that have misguided you? Perhaps you misinterpreted the meanings in some of your life experience.

A common one is in the assignment of personal worth to your net worth. Do you feel more valuable when you're making more money? Do you feel less valuable when you're making less money? Stand back and decide it's time to keep these two things separate.

Your human value has nothing to do with money. Yes, money can open opportunities and reduce certain financial stress. But your self worth comes from within. Keep it ticking for good.

Know your human assets and embrace them. These are your:

• natural talents,
• important relationships,
• health and energy,
• values and integrity

Your human assets should guide what you do with your financial assets. When the two are in alignment, you'll be better able to overcome obstacles, achieve goals, and enjoy life. Keep boldly changing the questions. You'll find more of your heart that way. It'll keep you from being like the lazy gorilla. Because your energy will be fresh and fit the true you.

One of the definitions of heart is courage. It takes courage to continually pursue what's in your heart. The rewards are lasting and joyful and well worth the effort. In fact, it's an enjoyable adventure! When you keep it ticking for good, it expands beyond your own life and brings lasting treasures into the lives of others as well. Keep it ticking. For Good!

Toss the Tweets, try TWEDY!

Had a good tweet lately? Regardless of how accomplished you feel in your social media adventure, try using TWEDY to help you remember to ask your client the most important questions.

At times in the last 30 years, I've been overwhelmed by all the questions I'm trying to think of to ask clients. In the early training years, we were taught some basic "Fact-finding" questions so we could gain some understanding of our client's historic and present financial circumstances.

But those facts never fully reveal what's most important to the client in the client's own language. We want to genuinely comprehend what they care about, what they understand about their money, and what changes they're willing to make to improve their situation.

But it can be nearly impossible to remember what to ask or how to frame a question in a way that generates non-defensive and open responses on the part of our clients.

As a licensed therapist, I came up with the acronym TWEDY to remind me of a useful sentence stem that can frame many pertinent questions. TWEDY stands for:

To What Extent Do You ____________________________?

From here all you have to do is fill in the blank to get more candid responses from your client. Examples of how it can be used to help you determine what solutions to recommend are below. This can be helpful with asset management services, product recommendations, and analytical fee-based or fee-only services:

[TWEDY] To What Extent Do You:

• want advice about reallocating your investments to a more diversified portfolio?
• care about solving your survivorship needs in a timely manner?
• prefer guaranteed income as part of your retirement planning?
• feel concern about your long term care needs?
• want us to compare calculations and advise you on the impact of this decision?

You can practice TWEDY in several ways, all designed to more fully understand what your client genuinely cares about and is willing to hire you to do. You can't make them care about something, but you can more accurately gauge their interest to learn more and act on your advice.

Don't forget to use the TWEDY concept with slight variations of the words so you don't sound overly robotic. Examples include:

• To what extent would you consider_________?
• How important is it to you to _____________?
• On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to you to resolve ______________?
• How high a priority is it for you to _________________?
• What is your willingness to get this solved now ________________?

When you combine the best of your analysis with your clients' authentic motivations, your solutions are much more likely to get in place and stay in place. TWEDY can make you and your client both better off because of the understanding, awareness, and deepened trust it creates.

Be Wise Ask FOOL Questions

Do your clients’ financial outlooks sometimes seem like they came from another planet? Have you ever felt like your advice was right on but it seemed somehow alien to your client or prospective client? Have you ever felt like you were the financial alien in your own family? If you are answering “Yes” to any of these questions, maybe it’s time to learn a few E.T. (Extra Therapy) techniques in your practice.

• These questions were the impetus for my entry into graduate school in counseling in the mid 90s. Before I ever considered spending the five years in school, internships and supervision for licensing in marriage and family therapy, I was mega curious about how people developed their historic style and preferences when it came to money. I studied family of origin impact and family systems, applying it to how people developed their emotional and cognitive perspectives about money.

In my own family, my parents seemed to be exact opposites with money, and none of my four siblings are alike in money attitudes and habits. We range from being very thrifty to wildly out of control, to somewhere in the middle. Even before I was a financial advisor, I was a conservative saver. Financial planning education helped me diversify without going into a confusion-based panic. One of my siblings, however, seemed addicted to spending money that never even existed.

• Our clients and their marriage partners and children seem to have the same diverse range of personalities. It was all these differences that lead me to research and write about money personalities (The Power in Your Money Personality – 8 Ways to Balance Your Urge to Splurge with Your Craving for Saving) during, and after graduate school.

The acronym F.O.O.L. (Family Of Origin Lessons) I created 18 years ago, adding it to my data gathering form when interviewing prospective clients about their financial planning. I remember having to squeeze it in right after their name. I knew there was an important emotional component to financial decision making, and I didn’t want it to be ignored in advisory relationships. Understanding what my clients had experienced growing up in their families when it came to money, and what impressions that had left on them just didn’t seem optional to me. How did that create their unique rules to live by with money? The first FOOL question I asked began to answer that question:

• What impressions of your family’s financial life did you get when you were growing up?

Clients’ answers to this question alone gave us a wealth of information about what models of handling and viewing money they had acquired as children. By the way, it doesn’t always mean they are like their parents. If they experienced some negative interpretation of what they were observing, they may have formed opposite styles from their parents. Their responses gave me a natural progression of related questions to ask. How openly was money discussed? In what ways were your parents’ styles with money alike and different? How did it affect your expectation of money handling in marriage? Are you more like one parent than another when it comes to money? How has that worked for you thus far? To what extent would you like to change some of your habits or outlooks about money? Would you like us to help with that in your financial planning?

• Often what happens as a result of these FOOL questions is clients discover a belief or habit that they never quite consciously realized they had acquired. It’s important to ask questions in a way that it is the client’s idea to want to make a change. This is where their motivation originates. Otherwise, as the advisor, you just sound like a pushy sales person with your own agenda.

As a result of the FOOL questions, we have heard countless enlightened comments such as:

·        “I never thought about how like my dad I have been. He grew up in the Depression and was always worried about money. I would like to worry less.”

·        “I’m just now realizing I’ve been trying to be the opposite of my parents. They never saved anything and their lives are very limited financially now. I’ve been too focused on saving and haven’t found a way to enjoy the money I have.”

·        “I go back and forth all the time. One day I spend too much, the next I’m fighting myself and vowing to save more and get with it. It’s like my parents are both in my style all the time – still fighting – only this time I’m fighting myself.”

These answers are powerful and the wise advisor who asks the FOOL questions can incorporate the clients’ answers into the advice they provide. You don’t have to be a therapist to help clients move toward their goal of changing their thought habits about money, once they’ve had their awareness heightened. All you need do is listen and show them how your advice helps them make the adjustments they said they wanted to make. And don’t forget to show them the positive impact those adjustments will make on their balance sheet down the road – more often than not, they never did the math!

Expectations and Emotions

by Susan Zimmerman, ChFC, CLU, LMFT

More often than not, the real work of financial advice is helping clients reach acceptance about their financial realities. This is not a technical issue as much as it is a psychological one. Let’s say you have prepared a detailed written cash flow statement, budgeted realistic expenses and calculated the needed savings amount to accomplish the clients’ stated future goals – all with their input. A few months later you find they have more of a knack for sabotaging their own plans than securing them.

     So what is going on here? Their plan is based on their goals and resources. Why do they sabotage it? Is this a cultural challenge, a family challenge, or an individual one? Americans do face the challenge of abundant surroundings and many ways to acquire the immediate material goods that dance before them in thousands of weekly commercial messages. The messages to spend far exceed those that preach savings.

     What is often never discussed is what clients expected of their financial life when they first became working adults. What did they picture in their adult financial life? Did they see themselves as being wealthy, middle class, or struggling endlessly? What values did they embrace? Were their thoughts about the future barely a flicker, or were they detailed mental visualizations? Has financial management been about what they expected, or has it been easier or more difficult?

     What often underlies clients’ apparent inability to live within their means or fund their goals, is the unconscious expectation that money matters will take care of themselves. By the time they realize money does not take care of itself, their lifestyle expense makes it exceedingly difficult to squeeze in adequate savings or even manage their debts.

     What is going on is a cultural, family and individual psychological challenge. All too often, adults carry unrealistic expectations about money management. Within that bundle of expectations are beliefs that steer decisions in an unhelpful direction. Beliefs such as, “I deserve this because I work so hard” or “There’s never enough money” or “I’m supposed to know how to do my own investments” all can lead to overspending or poor investment decisions.

     This is a sensitive issue, but an important one that can be brought up without igniting defensiveness. Therapists ask questions of clients that are labeled “taking their temperature.” The simplest way to “take their temperature” is by asking a 1-10 scale question. An example would be to ask, “On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to you to eliminate this problem?”  Or you could fill in several financial planning needs to help prioritize implementation recommendations. Examples:

            

• On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to you to start adequately funding your retirement savings?
• On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to you to insure your dependents’ financial security in the event of your death?
• On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to you to reduce your debt?
• On a scale of 1-10, how important to you are your emergency cash reserves?
• On a scale of 1-10, how important are vacations to you?

     I recommend picking three categories that tend to compete with each other in cash flow management, to help clients prioritize which area they are willing to commit to first. It also helps them fight their own temptations to sabotage their plans. If things are going well in implementing your recommendations, it can be both fun and helpful to ask a final 1-10 question. It can be done in a light-hearted way, and then add a serious comment:

     “On a scale of 1-10, how committed are you to NOT sabotaging the plans you’ve put in place today?” Give them your friendly but serious smile. Pause.

     Then let them know that it’s the consistent “care and feeding” of their plans over time that makes reaching their goals a reality. Compliment their actions and commitment to maintaining their plans, not giving in to temptations that upset the projections, and establish a next meeting time to review progress. Congratulate them and tell them to celebrate by expressing gratitude for the things going well in their lives.

Money Motives: Alien to Clients, but Known to You!

Have you noticed that clients’ Emotions and Thoughts (ET) about money often seem like aliens from another planet? Most of them lie outside of their conscious awareness. Yet they’re powerful drivers of behavior. It makes sense to continue our efforts to help clients be more mindful with their money – that means being both aware (informed) and attentive (action). I call that getting the extraterrestrial of our clients’ money styles “back to earth” and able to make prosperous decisions.

In many cases, clients’ underlying motives and resulting actions are actually more mindless than mindful. Therapists say "mindless is blindness." Thoughts, emotions, and cravings are often simply not seen. They’re automatic unconscious habits that have formed over many years. How do we as advisers find and discuss problem areas without alienating clients? Can they become more mindful by pairing awareness with attentiveness, resulting in modified actions when needed?

There are several keys to helping clients raise awareness and acceptance of their inner money motives. Natural resistance may occur when they deem their own inner motives to be negative, inferior, or unacceptable. The first step recognizes this natural tendency and provides an “All Okay” platform for understanding these common tendencies.

Clients participate in assessing several factors using a continuum or list that identifies eight common Money Motives.  These are driven by two primary forms of motivation: “Avoiding and Seeking.” Clients identify their dominant “Seeking Styles” from eight neutral outcomes. These are then paired with the companion “Avoidance patterns,” to encourage making behavioral and psychological connections. Corresponding behavioral Drivers that propel action are linked next. 

The Eight Money Motives

Below are the eight money motivations we introduce to clients to help them heighten awareness of their historic style and preference with money.

_____ Seek Prestige   #___ (social esteem or distinction)

_____ Seek Spontaneity   #___ (arising naturally and without constraint)

_____ Seek Peace # ___ (freedom from hostility; calm)

_____ Seek Simplicity   #___ (easy to understand or do; clear and uncomplicated)

_____ Seek Virtue    #___ (moral excellence)

_____ Seek Security   #___ (protected; to make certain; freedom from worry)

_____ Seek Control   #___ (power or authority to regulate or restrain)

 _____ Seek Growth   #___ (to increase, cultivate; ability to thrive)

Clients can simply use the above as a checklist and pick their top two or three. They can also give themselves a weighted score from 1-5 to express the degree of dominance they perceive exists for them.

We use a questionnaire to assess the scores for each of the eight, which adds client interest and commitment to integrating the information into their planning decisions.

What’s avoided or propelled in our actions, given our core motives:

_____ Prestige motives

…tend to Avoid Mediocrity…which drives achievement orientation & affluent lifestyles

_____ Spontaneity motives

…tend to Avoid Discipline…which drives creative ideas & impulsive decisions

_____ Peace motives

…tend to Avoid Conflict…which drives cooperative compliance & inconsistent choices

_____ Simplicity motives

…tend to Avoid Details…which drives streamlined methods & procrastination

_____ Virtue motives

…tend to Avoid Greed…which drives charitable inclinations & modest lifestyles

_____ Security motives

…tend to Avoid Loss…which drives cautious contemplation & limiting choices

_____ Control motives

…tend to Avoid Chaos…which drives consistent savings and precise recordkeeping

_____ Growth motives

…tend to Avoid Low returns…which drives profit orientation and growth investing

Questions to Ask Clients

The low-tech version of this still nets high-communication. Guide clients with these questions and you’ll get rich information in return:

1. We all have multiple motivations that steer our financial decisions. From this list, what would you say are your top two or three?
2. Each of the motives have strengths and challenge areas (or rascals that make money mischief), which are summarized here, using “avoid and drive” actions. Can you comment on these when you reflect on your personal financial history?
3. In the challenge areas of each, are there particular issues in which you’d like our guidance so that you can improve your satisfaction with your outcomes?

Summarize your clients’ wishes using their own words, and convey what you will do to help them improve. Help clients “come back to earth” by balancing their money motives and propel their implementation of wise financial strategies. They won’t be alienated by your extra attention; they’ll become your most loyal fans.

NOTE: A software program of the money motives assessment is available. MAPA (Motivated Asset Pattern Assessment) provides a customized report for clients so they can view their money motive rankings, with descriptions of strengths and common challenges for each. Visit www.mindfulplanning.com resources for more information.

School Supplies List for Financial Advisors

Do you ever miss the good old school days when you made a list of supplies you needed to function in class? I realized recently I miss making that list in the fall. So I decided I’d resume making one every September anyway, even though my nest is empty and I’m not technically in school. My new school supplies list, however, does not include a protractor or backpack! It focuses on my intellectual business supplies and it has two columns. One is headed “Need to Learn” and the other is headed “Where to Find it.”

I have to admit that at first I thought the new list would be a light and somewhat nostalgic exercise. But it turned out to fit what I have termed in my consulting business a 3D process, for:

·        Depth;

·        Direction;

·        Definition.

Depth is the innermost part of anything, and I discovered many of my desired intellectual supplies required substantial depth. That takes a different kind of energy, but the benefit is worth it. This included taking steps toward succession planning and rediscovering other activities I enjoy but rarely find time to do.

Direction is the course or line along which something moves. That definition seems obvious, but it is easy to lose sight of how our business course is really moving. Are we moving toward a destination we identified clearly, or have we gotten into a habit of simply taking the business as it comes? It’s one thing to choose a circuitous course, but what if we have simply failed to notice that we’ve drifted off-course?

Definition is the determination of a decision. Without definition, decisions don’t get made, they happen by default. Some are good or even great, and some are just plain awful. We always need to learn how to define our decision criteria and review it regularly.

You might also find that your business “School Supplies List” turns out to be a valuable exercise that brings insightful surprises and an interesting focus about growing or redirecting your business activities. Allow yourself, also, to identify new things you want to learn about your existing clients. One new thing I have begun to do as a result of this process, is that when I call my clients on their birthdays, I ask them what they are most proud of in the last year. It has been much more valuable than what used to be “Happy Birthday chit chat.” Acknowledging something they are proud of brings out their human assets – the relationships or talents they feel good about. That positive focus can be the best birthday gift they get.

Enjoy the 3D formula for your back-to-school list and preparation for your academic year:

            Depth + Direction + Definition = Destination

You might just love the ride a little bit more, and appreciate where it takes you!

It's Way More than Money

When Long Term Care Insurance Pays

by Susan Zimmerman, ChFC, CLU, LMFT

If long term care insurance is a product you provide for clients, you have probably studied some of the statistics about how many people in certain age groups will need this coverage. Product features and benefits are always important, but so often the benefits extend way beyond the dollars paid.

It is always a strange tug that happens psychologically when a client has an insurance claim. Whether it is for life, disability, or long term care, a claim means something bad has happened. Your client has died, become disabled, or has failed health requiring nursing home care. Our emotions clash as we simultaneously feel sorrow at the bad news, yet relief and gratitude that the client has coverage to help them manage the financial drain.

If we as insurance professionals recognize some of the psychological issues that insurance claims trigger, we can begin to see even more deeply into the extended benefits that happen in families when a long term care insurance policy begins paying a claim.

I suppose it’s because of my background as a family therapist that I observe and inquire of clients about the extended family relationship management issues when caring for an elderly parent. Think about it. How often are adult siblings ever in similar financial situations so they can equally contribute to a parent’s health care expenses? And if they are able to help, are they all equally willing? Rarely! The family dynamics around the physical and financial care of aging parents can be exasperating. When the care giving falls into the lap of just one or the minority of several siblings, you can almost hear the adult children revert to their childhood patterns, loaded with unresolved sibling rivalry and crying out “No fair!”

Granted, they have most likely found more sophisticated ways of verbally communicating this objection, but if we advisors are really listening, we can see and hear the psychological relief (not to mention the financial) when long term care policies pay their benefits. A client of mine who has four adult siblings recently told me her greatest appreciation of the long term care policy that pays for her mother’s nursing home costs is that she doesn’t have to try and collect or negotiate the extraction of money from her uninvolved siblings. She has accepted her role as the primary physical care giver, but if the sole burden of nursing home costs fell to her, she believes it would create what we identified as “irreconcilable resentment.” The long term care policy serves as the family peace keeper.

So next time you talk about long term care with clients, ask them about the extended family members. Who is doing what assistance? How do the financial abilities and attitudes differ? As their advisor, why not become a “resentment preventer” and frame long term care insurance as a way to keep the peace among the family members who would be shouldering the financial responsibility for their loved one’s care? That sure helps the siblings do a better job of “playing fair.” Their parents never did enjoy breaking up those fights, and long term care insurance helps make it a non-issue.

What CEO Really Stands For

With all the recent market madness and economic bad news, I had to revisit an old true story.

 

When I was in 8^th grade, our school introduced us to a cutting edge computerized assessment that promised to expertly predict our future careers. I remember the many pages of questions, filling in the circles perfectly with my #2 pencil, and then waiting weeks for the results. When the day came and our guidance instructors handed out the printed assessment reports, they were truly impressive looking! I scanned the thick, heavy pile of pages with excited anticipation to see what my future career possibilities would be. Finally on the last page, one lone answer was announced to me in just two words. I’ll give you a hint, so you can share the anticipation with me for a few seconds. The first letters of the two word title were:

 

 E.O. 

 

What do you think E.O. stood for? Executive Officer, maybe? A terrific guess, but no. My sole career destiny, according to this impressive computer science evaluation was:

 

Elevator Operator!

 

My excitement plummeted like a crashing…elevator. This certainly didn’t push any buttons for me! Images of asking, “Going up?” or “Going down?” all day long while stuck in a moving box flashed in my mind. It failed to elevate any hope in me, other than my passionate HOPE that I would not end up as an Elevator Operator!

 

There will always be some days with frightening economic headlines and wild ups and downs of the market. That's when I chuckle as it seems the nightmarish questions “Going up?” and “Going down?” persist all day long. We might as well get creative to help us cope with the challenges. So, please borrow this CEO title: Chief Elevator Operator. Isn’t it true that as professional advisors, we “operate to elevate” our clients’ dreams, hopes, thoughts, behaviors, and results? I call it OPERATION ELEVATION and it’s our job in both the delightful and the frightful times. 

 

I actually had a dream about an elevator many years ago when my father was dying of cancer. In the dream, the doors wouldn’t open unless I entered just the right sequence of buttons in the security code. If I gave up, the doors stayed closed and everything became more chaotic. If I kept trying, the doors opened and allowed me in to where I was needed.

 

The elevator dream provided clarity to me and gave me hope that I could open the doors and be allowed in to discuss whatever topics were necessary. It’s an image that still helps me today. It takes a special courage to find the right “security code” to open the doors of communication in difficult times. Our clients all have their own unique security codes that we must discover in order to fully assist them.  

 

Whether we do comprehensive planning, investment management, accounting, or insurance, we are in perpetual “operation elevation” mode all the time with clients. We help elevate their chances of living a more financially secure life, save more money, allocate assets sensibly, and much more.

 

It takes tremendous skill and courageous communication to be a financial advisor. So, regardless of what your official title might be, remember to add CEO (Chief Elevator Operator) every time you need a “lift.” Thinking as chief elevator officer also helps as we ponder our business goals and decisions in the new year. Best wishes to you in Operation Elevation!

Money Disharmony - Could there be trauma behind the money drama?

Yes. That’s the short answer.

If your clients’ financial choices have made them poorly prepared in their own financial planning, it’s not just the spending messages of our culture that could be the culprit.

For the purpose of this article, I’m not talking about the stress clients experience when they see or hear frightening stock market or economic news. I’m talking about the residual distress left by traumatic experiences that often go back to childhood.

To offer a primer on trauma here, I’ll start with what therapists sometimes call “Big T” vs. “Little T.” What that refers to is the difference between significantly distressing traumatic events and events that are stressful or emotionally painful, but are less significantly damaging long term.

Let’s also note that just because a person has achieved a successful career and significant income or wealth doesn’t mean trauma never existed. Unresolved traumatic events have a way of upsetting things at unpredictable and surprising times. Certain life events can trigger an old trauma that was essentially unrelated to the present-day trigger (such as bad news coverage).

Traumatic events are stored in the body, most specifically the neural pathways of the brain that trigger certain nervous system reactions. If there was danger, perceived danger, or significant distress at the time and the person was powerless with no support system to help him or her cope, the trauma can come back to haunt at any time. These are the conditions underlying Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is often characterized by distressing flashbacks, disturbing dreams, and generally high anxiety with unpredictable onsets.

Let’s look at an all-too-common scenario. A child is raised in a high-stress environment, such as one in which an alcoholic parent is sometimes loud, frightening, and harshly punishing. That child is reaching cognitive conclusions throughout this experience even though they’re outside conscious awareness. These conclusions are about the world, life, and the child’s own value. Rarely are these cognitions positive. Instead, they’re negative beliefs such as:

                I am bad (or a burden, or stupid, or worthless)

                I’m not safe (or the world is not safe)

To the degree the childhood experience was distressing, there are residual negative effects that generalize to other areas such as money, gender-role expectations, and other areas. Without a supportive person to help the child process the traumatic experiences when they happen, inaccurate conclusions are reached on the part of the child which carry over into adulthood.

One of the most common coping habits that occurs given such circumstances, is avoidance. The adult with unresolved trauma avoids situations that feel the same as the distressing circumstances from childhood. For example, upon hearing a loud, argumentative voice, the adult’s alarm center of the brain (the amygdala), sounds, causing an automatic fight, flight, or freeze response. The powerless feeling is re-triggered and the adult feels incapable of dealing with the stressor (just like in childhood), so avoidance is chosen. Flight feels right.

Awareness of a few statistics shows that we are likely dealing with some clients who have untreated depression, anxiety, or trauma. It causes more absenteeism and lost productivity than any other physical disorder (estimated at $52 billion per year). There are 18.8 million American adults with depression. 54% believe depression is a personal weakness. 41% are too embarrassed to seek help. 80% of depressed people are not in treatment. But they may be sitting in your office fretting about their money!

When clients hear or see frightening economic news, for example, the alarm center of the brain (the amygdala) wins the race for behavior. Those neurons, basically fire faster, but when they win, logic loses. If people experienced trauma in their earlier life, their alarm center is particularly vulnerable to bad news. This can cause financial neglect or impulsive reactions that damage their financial picture.

What can we do to help them? We can deliver a mini brain-science primer for one thing. Let them know their biology works against them when it comes to financial behavior. We need to help them know the alarm they feel is the brain’s exaggerated response and is set for fleeing a preditor, not fleeing their portfolio mix or financial plan.

Give them a refresher on what the facts are about their money and how it’s positioned in their portfolio (because alarm causes them to be incapable of accessing their logical left brain mind). They need you to “be” their left brain for a while.

And then if you feel the relationship is one of high trust, you could ask them if they’ve experienced any highly distressing events in their life that they believe makes money matters more worrisome for them. Ask what makes them feel most uneasy (a more accepting word than fear). Avoid using the word trauma, as that can elevate their anxiety. If they start to tell you about it, let them know you care deeply about their comfort and feeling of security. Then share your understanding that there are professionals who specialize in methods that can help them significantly reduce their general anxiety.

If you prefer to have someone specific to refer to clients, I recommend searching for therapists who work with a trauma recovery methodology called EMDR.  I’m trained in it and find it extremely helpful for people (I’m in the Minneapolis, MN area). There are several other trauma methodologies that are also quite effective. As a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, I encourage you to refer clients to therapists who specialize in trauma. Some of the therapies are surprisingly brief with lasting benefits. You can do a search for EMDR trained therapists in other geographic areas at www.emdria.org.

Teen Money Isn't Teeny

How many of your clients have children who are at or nearing their teen years? Have these clients expressed any concern about the money habits they are seeing in their children? Affluence can provide financial security for families, but it can sometimes be what sets unrealistic expectations and poor money habits for children.

Statistics aren’t encouraging on this topic. According to the Phoenix Student Fiscal Fitness survey, most kids age 12 to 21 don’t understand basic financial matters. Only 12 percent could define the word “budget.” Just one out of ten receive personal financial education in school. According to the American Savings Education Council, two thirds of kids say they don’t know enough about money.

Some parents may have been too busy or preoccupied with their careers or other problems to relay healthy money lessons. Or they may have mistakenly over indulged their children’s desires, creating in them a sense of entitlement that’s difficult to modify.

Before you jump to any of the above conclusions, however, be sure to ask sensitive and sensible questions of your clients, such as:

·        How are your kids with money?

·        What attitudes or habits have you noticed in your children?

·        To what extent do you talk about money with them?

·        Do you have any worries about them you would like to discuss?

Consider offering a tutorial or workshop for clients’ children so they can learn basic financial principles and begin to think about goals for their money. You can ask them the questions that their parents haven’t thought to ask, and they will likely respond less defensively with you than with their parents. Various time value of money lessons are especially motivating for some teens. Ask them what kinds of things they like to buy or want to buy. Give them several examples of dollar costs of various popular items and what larger things the same dollars saved and growing can purchase down the road. These days you can use popular game show phrases to create choices that catch their attention, such as “Deal or No Deal?” Or “Who wants to be a Millionaire?”

I have done several kids’ sessions including group workshops. It was interesting to discover that in letting clients know about workshops I’m offering, they seemed to appreciate the value of the opportunity, even if they hadn’t gotten their kids scheduled in any of them yet. The benefit to offering education to clients’ children is to help them make better money decisions throughout their lives. Plus you gain client loyalty for future wealth management. Teen money isn’t teeny money because it represents the future savings habits they will have as adults. It also represents the wealth of their parents’ future assets, and those of people they refer to you. If kids haven’t learned good financial habits, you can offer the beginning steps that got missed along the way. When you go the extra mile by instilling some lasting healthy money habits, your referrals and client retention will grow along with the dollars they ask you to manage.