Have you ever found something you weren't looking for? I was recently looking on my bookshelf for a parenting book for a client to borrow. Before finding it, I noticed a booklet I hadn't read in some time. It is called "Bouncing Back: Staying resilient through the challenges of life" and it was published by Ceridian ([email protected]). Resilience heightens your sense of purpose in life and helps you sustain a positive outlook. It offers several defining features of resilience, including:
- Seeking help when you need it;
- Taking action in response to change;
- Relying on and giving support to family, friends, and community.
These can be difficult to imagine doing when you are grieving or discouraged due to stressful life changes. The only way I have found to "be" a resilient person is to break down action into very small steps. The more difficult the transition, the smaller the steps must become. Otherwise, the chances of self-sabotage increase. If the action is bigger than your energy, you won't follow through.
In the early stages of grief, one action might be to talk to someone and resist the tendency to totally withdraw. What can help you act on good advice is to link it to an action you still do automatically. For example, if you have a cup of coffee each morning, tell yourself, "I will call one close friend or family member when I have my coffee." Then, don't think about it or reconsider the decision, simply pick up the phone and dial. If you get voice mail, leave a message asking for a call back.
When you have taken a small action, it almost always gives you energy to do it again. As you find small encouragements, continue to take additional steps that grow as your energy grows. You can think of it as a fitness plan. Most exercise programs increase the level of effort required in order to get better results. Push yourself just a little bit and you will be rewarded with resilience.