Rays of Hope in Times of Loss

New Rays of Hope book just released in 2021!

It has been an honor to create therapeutic poetry, prose, and even a few acronyms for the Rays of Hope books in combination with nature scenes that I’ve had the pleasure to photograph over many years. Since publishing the first Rays of Hope book in 2005, new and revised sections with all new photography have been created. Many people have expressed a sense of calm from the blend of words and pictures. My desire is that you will find encouragement and comfort in their beauty and messages of hope.

When hope lights the way, it gives us a vital and needed glimpse of feeling better. Creative outlets can provide a powerful aid to finding additional coping methods to help us through the pain of grief. When we create and allow several channels of communication to remain open, they become the rays of hope that lighten the load, heartening us throughout the twists and turns of our transition journeys.

The poetry throughout Rays of Hope conveys some of the emotional challenges of life transitions or loss of a loved one. Each poem intentionally ends with a ray of hope, even if earlier it reveals some of the most painful elements of the grieving process. In “A Heartening Blend,” we see hope’s appearance as the benefit received from searching for the courage to cope with loss and change.

A Heartening Blend

 We wonder if there’s a ray of hope,

While fearing we can’t possibly cope. 

Lost in mourning, we’re unsure what to seek,

But if we keep searching, sometimes braving a peek,

 Two miracles will appear in a heartening blend,

One we’ll find in nature, the other in a friend.

 

 

Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul coauthor) interviews Susan

It was an honor to meet Jack Canfield, coauthor of the #1 New York Times-bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, and to be interviewed by him for his authors making a difference podcast. The view the podcast, click this link:

 https://f.io/xe3kVzY3

In it, Susan is asked to tell her story about why she wrote Rays of Hope and how it helps readers navigate through tough transitions of many kinds. Tune in for tips and insights that may light the way for changes you're going through right now.

 

Keep HOPE with you!

When we're struggling due to difficult changes in life, it's helpful to keep this acronym in mind: HOPE!

Why? Because it helps us remember four important steps for healthy coping:

H - Honor your feelings that emerge and respect their purpose. Every grief cycle deserves acknowledgement to help ease the way.

O - Openness to new experiences, people, and ways of navigating forward helps bring periods of peacefulness.

P - Persevering even when we feel like giving up helps us trust in our capabilities for overcoming adversity.

E - Encouraging ourselves to find our inner resources for courage helps us take needed actions at each phase of transition.

By remembering HOPE:  Honor - Open - Persevere - Encourage - you'll find new degrees of trust in your ability to find new HOPE throughout life's many transitions.

 

HOPE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOPE

It was once a wish, a love, or an aim.

Holding tight didn’t assure a forever claim

To familiar comforts, with nothing changed,

Of never having to be rearranged.

 

Amidst the turmoil, along came new hope.

Slowly nudging us up the steep slope

Of coping with loss and changed conditions,

Lighting the way for our new life’s transitions.  

Natural Tears

Sometimes the sky

Reminds me to cry

When it's raining 

Pouring

Storming!

The sky is not inhibited

Its tears are allowed to fall

Freely

In complete trust of their natural

Cessation.

The rain pours down

Unconcerned

that it may be inconvenient

for others.

Falling

free

is

Beautiful

Bountiful

Feeling alone in grief

Mourning a loss is a unique experience for every individual. At times, grief may bring feelings of isolation when we long to be connected to another. We may wish another's grief was more similar to our own, and when it isn't, we are surprised by emotions of betrayal or anger.

Honor and remember your strengths. Being unique in your grief can be peaceful and beautiful.

Open - Be open to your full experience, even through the pain.

Persevere and trust that your pain will ease over time.

Encourage yourself by identifying your courage and beauty in new ways.

This is HOPE: Honor-Open-Persevere-Encourage.

These components of HOPE will help you more peacefully accept your grieving process and that of others.

 

Anniversaries of Loss - Emotions Can Still Surprise Us

It doesn't matter how many years, or even decades have passed since a significant loss happened. It's important to know that it's not unusual to feel a return of some of the intensive emotions that were part of your earlier grieving. Conversely, you may experience new emotions that never occurred during your early grieving experience.

Our brains and bodies have memories that may reside in our unconscious minds. It's not unusual to be unaware of an anniversary date when the day begins, yet when you see the date for the 9th time that day, you suddenly burst into tears realizing it is the five year anniversary of a loved one's passing. 

This happened to me last year. It was my first day back at the office after a speaking engagement that was out of the country. The travel schedule had been challenging and I'd been very preoccupied with the material I was presenting.

My first day back to the office began with the usual catching up tasks. Multiple emails, all containing the five year date of my mother's passing, flew by me unnoticed. But when I scheduled an appointment for later that day, the date suddenly loomed large and bold and flashing in its significance. MOM! It's been five years! I miss you! I wish I'd kept the dress you'd sewn for me when I was eight. The one that had caught fire when I stood on the stool by the stove to talk on the phone. The one grandpa noticed and shook out before the flame ever touched my flesh. The one you repaired with your seamstress mastery. You patched the burned out area so precisely, that the patch was completely invisible. Oh, Mom, you were so talented!

Were there any emotions in this five year anniversary realization? Absolutely! They ranged from gratitude and wonder, to regret and sorrow. And no matter what their intensity, the facts remained. The best thing I could do was notice the emotions, allowing them to be felt, and embrace their authenticity. Share the story with trusted loved ones of my mother's patching the burned dress. And speak of the quiet love that my mother didn't talk about, but demonstrated in many other ways. Rays of hope shined bright on the memories!

 

Hope's Glow

Significant loss can be raw and new. Grief also has a way of revisiting us on holidays or anniversaries. Either way, its force can be unexpected and overwhelming. It throws us off course, filling us with despair and emotional pain that feels unbearable.

Perhaps "Hope's Whisper" will help you move through this day.

**********************************************************************************************

Where is hope when you’re in despair,

When grief engulfs you everywhere? 

 

Hope is in the light that filters down,

A dim ray at first, upon your frown.

 

Hope’s glow then shines into your heart,

And gently whispers, “Once more, start.”

 

It warms you from the inside out,

And in that warmth, you move through doubt.

 

Next thing you know, faith tiptoes in,

Beaming bright upon your long-lost grin.

 

Hope and faith shine together with Love,

To light your path from powers above.

 

Take heart as you move through this day, these hours.

Changes, Large and Small

Change is defined as "to make or become different." How such a small word and simple definition can capture the multitude of adjustments, thoughts, and emotions that accompany it, boarders on mind-boggling!

Changes occur in every aspect of our lives, including our work, family, and social circumstances. It may have been unexpected, coming out of the blue. Or it may arise from a decision you purposefully and thoughtfully made. Either way, it requires adjusting from how things used to be to how they now are.

Change takes us into the experience of transition, requiring us to navigate movements that may contain uncertainty and a feeling of imbalance. What are some of the best ways to weather changes and transition?

1. Make a conscious, even written list of circumstances that will be altered as a result of the change.
2. Note what aspects of the change may bring about positive experiences.
3. Acknowledge losses and difficult emotions, then set goals for how you want to progress through them as you do your best to manage difficulties.
4. Expect some surprises as a result of change and establish a mindset for adjusting to those as well. It’s impossible to be perfect in anticipating all the pieces of the change, so be mentally ready for any that crop up that you’d missed.
5. Stay connected to trustworthy people who understand the situation and can be a sounding board for additional decisions you’re facing. Ask them to listen openly when you simply need to vent frustrations.

The range of change is far-reaching. The better we become at knowing how to be at “home on the range,” the better we’ll feel as we navigate all its unfamiliar, yet often beautiful paths.

A Three Hour Tour

No, it wasn’t Gilligan’s Island we visited. My husband and I signed up for a Ghost Tour of Seattle when we were there for a conference a few years ago. It was interesting to hear the “ghostly” spin that was put on stories that were mostly about historic crimes in the city. The tour guide started by telling us about the many types of haunts that can occur. The general theme was about how ghosts tend to hide out and occasionally make an appearance in various mischievous styles that catch our attention. But then they vanish again and we’re left questioning whether we actually saw them in the first place.

I attended a program that was a wonderful invitation for all of us to think about “breaking out of a mold” in which we may have found ourselves. I had to chuckle at some of the parallels a ghost story can have to trying to break out of a mold. Have you ever caught yourself doing something you do not enjoy, yet you've continued to do it daily?

This can be something as minor as using the same toothpaste your parents provided in childhood to something as major as your life work or significant relationships.

Sometimes we get good at something, only to discover our skill doesn’t bring us fulfillment. Or we may be doing tasks we’re not good at that we should hire someone to do for us. Yet to ask the question, "Should I change?" seems not to occur to us because the perceived risk of change is too great. A glimpse of that change may flash before us like a mischievous ghost. We definitely saw it in a flash, but then we doubt our own vision.

Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, causing us to hide out in our familiar roles and routines. How do we know if this is what we've been doing?

These are the questions I’ve used to guide some of my mold-breaking:
Have I been hiding out in any area of my life?
Is there something I've been tolerating that I don't have to?
Am I staying put because I'm afraid a change will make things worse?
How do I assess if that’s an accurate perception?
Do I have a talent I’ve kept hidden away?

If you answer yes to half or more of the above questions, perhaps it is time to start your own “ghost tour.” Explore by asking friends, family, or colleagues what they see as most energizing to you. What do they see as your greatest talents? They can help you eliminate the doubt and trust your vision again. Compare the mix of answers. Is there a theme running throughout?

Next, ask yourself how often you get to do any of your favorite, energizing things in a typical week. If the answer is none or very little, begin to explore small steps you can take. Perhaps there are opportunities for your passion right where you are, but you just never noticed before.

Breaking a tough mold here and there is like meeting a friendly ghost. It helps us venture out of the familiar and explore new opportunities with courage. It can take time – more than a three hour tour! My latest conscious change has taken 10 years. But the energy boost it provides is worth it and the tour is much more fun that way. When your talents align with how you spend your time, you improve your overall health and joy in life. And that reaches others to boost the positive outcomes in the world.